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[junosteel]

WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, JUNO STEEL. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 010.21.140.15 *** juno has joined 010.21.140.15 <juno> this is juno steel. leave a message if you want to talk. <juno> for business inquiries, please schedule an appointment to meet at my office in downtown bavan. <juno> don't contact me if it's not important.

Comments

[blap_blap]

look

i got asked out on a beach date and even the risk of drowning isn't going to stop me from seeing this person in a swimsuit okay

and i've mentioned not being able to swim but we're going anyway

so it's fine i guess i'll just die then

[junosteel]

woah woah woah

first off tell me who this mystery date is

second how soon is this date because if it's today you're kind of fucked

private

[blap_blap]

like so this is on the lowest of down lows because of the jackass who must not be named okay? i can't have him finding out about this because at BEST he'll try to cockblock me and at worst he'll try to use him against me or something

do you know majima?

and it's not until next week so i still have some time to manage to avoid drowning

private

[junosteel]

[Tim's question is enough to turn Juno's attitude completely around.]

holy shit majima???
dude you're fine, i hung out with majima at the beach and he totally didn't judge me for not being able to swim
i mean having lesser swim ability
i know how to swim

anyways he taught me how to tread water better. he's pretty chill. you're gonna be fine, dude. just act natural
you don't have to answer this if you don't want to, but how many actual dates have you been on that don't involve possible death or bodily harm

[blap_blap]

juno, buddy. it's just me. it's fine.

[You don't have to pretend.]

okay so a. what counts as dates and b. with him or just like, in general

[junosteel]

who said it wasn't fine

[juno. also tim is asking relationship advice from the worst person but juno's going to try his best]

you know that's a good question, because i haven't been on a date with him

but in general. going out to eat at a restaurant and then doing something else after is a classic. he does enjoy a good meal from time to time. don't be afraid to shell out a little more money if it's for better quality food, you don't wanna be left eating shitty food. it's a bad experience for everyone involved.

don't overthink it. just, like, do something you two would both enjoy? how much have you talked to majima before this

[blap_blap]

oh i mean

i've gone on dates with him before it's really just the precise number that depends on what counts as a date?

we've been a thing since like. april? spacebook official kind of thing, i mean. i'm not worried about going on dates with him or anything, i think i've got a pretty good idea of what he's about

[junosteel]

oh

oh

i mean like

i guess if you both count it as a date its a date right????? who cares what other people say

i once went on a date on a stakeout once. wasn't bad. then we had to split cus the suspect showed up

[blap_blap]

god i really don't know if some of the stuff we've done together counts as a date even by that definition???

like is it a date if we went to that cube thing in felfri and beat up a bunch of guys

we got a private room afterward so maybe that counts more

oh no wait

phrasing

that's not what it sounds like

he was showing me how to do a sleeper hold

[junosteel]

hot

is "sleeper hold" the new codeword kids are using nowadays

i'm kidding. did you have fun while you beat up a bunch of guys in the cube?

[blap_blap]

hey i'm sure that someone, somewhere gets off on sleeper holds so

[This is the new euphemism for sex now. It's happening, Juno.]

he was having a good time? i'm not as big on the whole grievous bodily harm thing. i kind of only went in because i wanted to make sure that he didn't get like a structurally superfluous new hole in his face. those guys had guns juno!!

[junosteel]

okay but is that the only reason you went in or is it also because you wanted to spend some quality time beating up people with your new boyfriend

cus i'm pretty sure you can't die in the cube rooms

i mean i never tried them myself but i feel like that would be an Issue

[blap_blap]

i feel like i need to repeat this

juno THEY HAD GUNS

he had a KNIFE

he took a literal KNIFE to a gun fight

like i don't care if you can't die in the cube rooms or whatever you can still get shot!!

[junosteel]

point taken




that wasn't a knife pun i swear

anyways on a scale of 1 to 10 how confident are you about this next date given that one of your first ones was literally fighting people

[blap_blap]

i've had good dates with him juno!!! it's not all fighting and weird cubes

he took me to see the cherry blossoms one time and it was really sweet!

so i guess like if i had to give a confidence score like 11/10

have you seen his ass, juno

[junosteel]

i have not but i can imagine

you're gonna do good. i don't think this'll happen, but if jack asks any questions, what should i say?

[blap_blap]

i mean i don't super care what you tell him so long as it's not the truth

jack seems to think that i like go out and pick people up at bars or something so i guess you could just run with that. play into his expectations or whatever.

god honestly it's kind of funny, like has he met me

[Because like. Right, Timothy Lawrence is going out and scoring some strange at a bar, okay. Not in this or any other universe.]

[junosteel]

that's fair, i'll be sure to keep that in mind. jack likes to pretend he's all smart but his skull is about as thick as the CEOs back home, too.

in the meantime go have fun with majima and tell me what happens, alright? keep me updated and all that jazz

[blap_blap]

wow i don't usually kiss and tell y'know

but i mean i guess if you ask me really nicely maybe

[junosteel]

jeez, i didn't say you have to give all the details. just say whether it was a success or not

also i just remembered. majima has a soft spot for cute animals, he wanted me to keep that annoying kitten i found in the trash. even gave me a little blanket for it. use this knowledge wisely

[blap_blap]

too bad i don't turn into a cute animal

[Not unless (eventually) being able to turn into a one ton bull counts as 'cute'. Which, like... probably not.]

honestly i'm not sure how well even jay catsby would take being introduced to a werewolf. like he generally doesn't give a fuck but he might if there's a werewolf involved

[junosteel]

hey! cows are cute. haven't you ever seen a picture of a baby plutonian yak?

...okay maybe not since pluto doesn't exist where you're from, but my point still st



you have a CAT?

[blap_blap]

yeah i have a cat! he was one of the ones that my bug doppelganger brought home

i just kept him because he's big and fluffy and an idiot

his name is jay catsby

[junosteel]

cute. cute name. maybe him and trash bag should have a kitty sleepover or something

[aka just dump trash bag on tim for a few days and let him have fun]

[blap_blap]

it probably depends on how old trash bag is? it's kind of hard to introduce two adult cats to each other and not have a fight

[Sorry dude, cats aren't dogs.]