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[One day, Juno will come home to find a window in his house left open.

There's a couple of weird things about this. One, Juno may or may not live on the ground floor- this does not matter. Two, everything looks like, pretty damn pristine. And three, there's weird sounds coming from his supposed-to-be-empty place.

If he makes it into his living room without making too much noise, he'll find Taako, curled up in a pile on his couch. Or well... in the vicinity of his couch. All over his couch. His tail is looped up and over the back and forward a couple of times, with a small pile of it over his lap to where his back is propped up against one of the arms. And on his lap is none other than Trash Bag, curled up in a cozy nest of scales, lazily dozing as Taako strokes her fur back with his claws. It's surprisingly gentle for a gigantic snake and a small furry creature, but he seems content.

Soon enough though, one of Taako's ears will flick Juno's direction, and he'll lazily tilt his head his way to flash him a peace sign.]

Hey.

[The first thought that comes to Juno's mind when he enters his apartment is, to put it eloquently, "What the shit?" Mostly because he hasn't cleaned his apartment in ages, and this looks like someone picked through all his stuff with a fine tooth comb. Of course, he quickly notices the open window and...well, the sounds. His little raccoon ears twitch and flatten against his head as he approaches the source of the noise, careful to keep quiet as possible. He moves from the hallway to the living room to see...well. You know.

Juno stares at Taako for a moment, glancing between the window and Trash Bag, his wonderful kitty who is now snuggled up right next to the godddamn Naga. From her scaly seat, Trash Bag can be heard purring loudly, kneading her paws against Taako's tail. When she catches sight of Juno, she lets out a loud, squeaky mew. Hi, fuzzy mom!

The wereraccoon just gives Taako a Look.]

Did...Did you seriously break into my apartment to pet my cat?

[So what, Taako was gonna go through the trouble of breaking in and not look at everything?? Please. He didn't clean but he did rearrange and touch like, everything. If Juno can follow scents, he's gonna be picking up Taako all over this place for a hot minute.

Meanwhile, Trash Bag mewls and Taako coos at her, smoothing back her ears with his hand. He's carefully petting her with the back of his hand, avoiding putting a sharp claw right through her, because that is the opposite of his intent here. He looks back at Juno after he speaks again, but doesn't turn his head- he just cranes his back so he can flip his head upside down and stare at him. Just because the top of him still looks fleshy, his organs aren't all up there anymore, and he doesn't have to obey physics or... something. Is this physics? He doesn't care.]

Well I didn't see you inviting me, soooo.

[Like he didn't just?? Commit a crime?? Into a detectives house???? At least Trash Bag has a fantastic sest (snake nest) for a bit. See, he's helping.]

[Juno grimaces--he can't lie, that shit is unsettling as fuck. He grumbles under his breath, crossing his arms.]

You know, you could have asked to come over like a normal human being. [When the words leave his mouth, he pauses, frowning.] Wait. Nevermind, that doesn't apply to either of us.

[He's referring specifically to the 'human being' part, not the 'normal' part, but either can be applicable. Yeah, he's going to be a grump, but he is going to make his way across the room to go retrieve Trash Bag from her scaly bed. If he can get there without Taako blocking him off.]

C'mon, Trash Bag, get off the snake.

[Trash Bag just looks up at him with her big, round eyes and meows again. Does Taako know the cat's name? He does now.]

[Welcome to why he does it, Juno. He's a menace, and even without magic he can keep people on their toes and off beat from what he's really doing at any given point. He's already grinning as Juno approaches at his first joke, but when he refers to the cat Taako can't resist the clap of laughter out of his mouth. At least he's stopped testing his flexibility as he's sitting upright again.]

Trash Bag? Holy shit, how did you pick that name, is it because you dig through 'em on the regular or she lives in your place?

[Terrible. Awful. Push him out the fucking window. He's not going to stop getting up in Juno's face though, because that's how he is as a person.]

Come on, I wasn't gonna vore her, I did in fact come to see if you kept the fuzzy goblin.

Shut up. Don't say the vore word again.

[He glares at Taako, putting his hands out to pick up Trash Bag. The cat looks towards Taako, butts her head against his hand, and then climbs into Juno's arms, purring loudly.]

Listen, I didn't think I was gonna keep her, and by the time I realized she wasn't gonna leave, she wouldn't answer to any other name. Alright?

[The frustration in his voice is offset by the fact he now has a very fuzzy animal in his arm, cuddling lovingly against his chest and squinting her eyes shut.]

[He looks like he's about to say the phrase 'the vore word' but declines to coo a little as Trash Bag gives him one last little nuzzle.]

No, no, I don't care, I have a chicken named Egg Farter dude. It's just funny because it's so you.

[Like. The man's a raccoon with a cat in his house named Trash Bag. The jokes are literally writing themselves right in front of him.]

Do you call your house The Can? Like the Garbage Can? Because y'know, raccoon, bag? We should get you a plaque.

[And yet, here he is spelling them out anyway, just to ensure Juno doesn't miss a second of his carefully curated bullshit.]

Th...Thanks, I think-- [A pause as Taako gets busy trying to make garbage jokes. Juno narrows his eyes, whiskers twitching in annoyance.] No, wait. I take that back. I don't need any more trash jokes made about me.

[Maybe it's partially because Juno is so easy to read, but Taako knows how to push Juno's buttons without driving him over the edge. Anything out of Taako's mouth can easily make Juno equally parts annoyed and flustered as well as just very, very resigned to his fate.]

If you're sticking around for Trash Bag, you may as well get comfortable. I have to give her antibiotics and stuff for her leg. She'll probably feel better if there's someone else around to distract her from it.

[Not to mention he, begrudgingly, enjoys Taako's company. Back at home, he at least had the company of Rita all day at the office, but here...he hasn't even hired a secretary yet. Feels weird, like he's replacing her.

He gestures for Taako to follow him to the living room as he carefully cradles Trash Bag in his arms.]

You know, you could've just visited me at my office. You don't have to break into that building.

[See, this is PRECISELY why he enjoys Juno's company. The ideal person goes with his bullshit, but only so far before they get flustered and complain. It's his favorite mood to send someone into a loop, and Juno performs it perfectly. He has no interest in actually hurting the man- breaking something you like only serves to make it broken. Why would he want to lose that? Sounds like a chump, and he knows some things about resource management. He's never had enough, and without the necessary resources, he's learned not to discard anything useful.

Juno just fits that slot well, and is cute to boot. It's one of the better situations he has going on here, frankly. He'll keep that as long as he can.

Taako follows behind, carefully making a path for himself through items and furniture.]

I mean, I could, but it's way more fun to get in here. There's always a chance you have a client or something, and what do I look like, a guy here to do work? Pssh.

[Just arriving to someone's address wasn't entertainment. But picking a window lock and mildly rearranging his apartment? That sounds like a great way to bust an hour ]

Does she need to take a shot or just a pill? Doubt cats are good at understanding what you're shoving in 'em any which way.

[Juno lets out a quiet scoff.]

No, you don't. You actually look, like, the exact opposite of someone who wants to do work at all.

[So...a beatnik? Except Taako doesn't really capture the energies of a beatnik. He's a category of his own. Trash Bag scrambles out of Juno's arms and onto his shoulders, purring loudly and turning so her good eye faces Taako. She lets out another loud, squeaky meow.]

Yeah, I'm getting the food, hang on. [Said towards Trash Bag, of course. She licks her nose and balances her paws against his fur, her tail twitching back and forth in anticipation.] It's a pill, so I've gotta mix it into her food or something. I tried just feeding it to her directly, but she's really picky about everything she eats.

[When they reach the kitchen, Trash Bag tentatively climbs off onto the counter and bounds back over to Taako. Hello! You're her new friend! Juno starts digging through the cabinets.]

Hand me a can opener, will you?

[Man, Juno's really starting to get his number here. Taako coos a bit when Trash Bag yells again, reaching out to give her some light scratches around her neck. He's having to be super careful with his hands, but damn he is not gonna kill this cat, he has standards. He listens with a little hum until the cat arrives back to him, and he quickly picks her up and slings her around his neck like a scarf.]

I mean, you spend a buncha time living on the streets, you're gonna be damn picky if it ain't safe.

[Not speaking from personal experience or anything, y'know. He peers around when Juno makes the request, pulling open a couple drawers before he finds one. Instead of moving, Juno will see effortlessly that he seems to hand off the can opener to nothing, and then-- a spectral hand is there instead, see-through but clearly defined. It takes the device and passes it down to Juno before disappearing. Taako doesn't seem fazed at all.]

Have you thought about putting it in a treat or something? Like a people food she likes? Maybe she'll pay less attention that way, or shove the whole thing in there faster.

...Huh. Maybe. I found out she goes absolutely batshit for bread for some reason. Maybe I could, like, tear off a piece and just wrap it in there. I'll do it before she eats--

[Juno takes the can opener in hand before turning to talk to Taako and just...stops. Staring at the Mage Hand and trying to comprehend what the hell is going on right now. Whatever he planned on saying is just, uh, gone from his brain right now in favor of:]

Uh--were you, um, always able to do that, or...like, what, is that a snake thing?

[He gets the feeling that it is not, in fact, a snake thing. Trash Bag looks absolutely enthralled by whatever that was.]

[He was absolutely looking slyly towards Juno waiting for his reaction to all of that. See, this is the rise he loves- the moment of mystery and awe when someone can't help but wonder how he just did that, the absolute ridiculous or unnecessary aspect of whatever he just did notwithstanding. Just that pause where he can take away attention from anyone else and refocus the spotlight-- it's perfect.]

Hm? What thing?

[The grin on his face should prove well enough that he knows exactly what fucking thing.]

I got you the can opener, or is that like, not a can opener on your planet or whatever.

That think--Your ghost hand...thing. Don't pretend that you don't know what I'm talking about.

[He sounds vaguely frustrated as he gestures towards Taako with the can opener. He knows Taako is acting coy to try and get a reaction out of him, and he hates that he's acting exactly as Taako knows he would. He starts angrily opening the can of cat food, staring directly at the naga.

Trash Bag, in the meantime, tries to paw at the air where the hand used to be and lets out a squeaky mew. Where'd it go?]

Hmmm?

[Of course he is, because Juno always does it. It takes so little prompting to get the man to latch onto something not being right, and it's so fantastic to watch him go. Not enough people in this city go along with Taako's bullshit, so now Juno has to fill the brunt of it.

So he just shrugs, the grin staying right in place.]

Well I dunno, my man, I don't see a ghost hand anywhere.

[He says, summoning it directly behind Juno's head. Taako stops the shrug, but keeps his right hand up, because he needs it to control this.]

How would I have one of those anyway?

[And now it's going to give him a noogie, which Juno will see Taako mirroring with his own hand and somehow feel it all at once. At least it can only apply 10 pounds of force, so it could be a worse noogie, but it is enough to make him burst out laughing.]

Wh--

[Aaaand there it is. He lets out a startled noise, instinctively flinching and trying to duck under its reach.]

Stop it. [He waves his arms, trying to move towards the other side of the room. Trash Bag looks enthralled. She lets out another mew, which prompts Juno scowl and say--]

Yeah, and what do you have to say about it, huh?!

[Meeeeeeew!]

That's what I thought.

[Oh, my God. He's having full-ass conversations with her. He finishes trying to open the can, then takes something out of his pocket and buries it in the meat. Trash Bag hops over to Juno, sniffing the air and trying to paw at the can.]

[He just laughs, loud and filling the room, watching Juno sure as hell scramble for his composure against a cantrip and a cat. Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.]

Holy shit, you're so cute. Yeah, bought it back from Mana. Only one of my ol' bag of tricks, but better than nothing. Basically just lets you have an extra hand, if you're practiced with it.

[He uses it to hold stuff in the kitchen all time, or stir a pot while he reads a recipe. It's just useful. He summons another, but this time it's right above Trash Bag, and Juno may be able to see he's twisting his wrist in the same motion of the fingers as they start to get her attention.]

Here, I'll keep her busy. She really likes this thing. Guess I can add cat toy to its list of use cases.

[Huh. Juno raises an eyebrow, an incredulous expression on his face as he starts scooping the food into Trash Bag's dish. A crude joke jumps to the forefront of his brain, but he sweeps it away before it can make it out of his mouth.]

Huh. Seems pretty useful, no matter what situation you're in. Is that the only thing you can do with this?

[Of course, there's still the fact that Taako still might interpret that however he likes. Trash Bag's eyes go huge. She sits obediently on her back haunches, trying to reach up and spreading her toes to snag at the floating hand.]

Oh, c'mon, all that work and you're not even hungry?

[Trash Bag doesn't respond. Juno shrugs, hanging up his coat on the back of a chair, making his way over to Taako. He gives his cat a look.]

I've never owned a cat before. Or, like...any pet. Closest thing is probably feeding sewer rabbits. This has been one hell of a learning experience.

[Taako grins, putting a hand to his forehead in a fake swoon. The hand goes with it, though there's no illusory Taako face there, so it just looks like it's kinda waving.]

Why mistah Juno, that sounds like a proposition if I've ever heard one.

[Is he using an absolutely terrible fantasy scarlett o hara impression there?? Yes. Of fucking course. How else was he gonna escalate this. He will move the hand to start leading her towards her food bowl though, mostly so he doesn't have to be 100% focused on this cat.]

Gods, you just say shit like sewer rabbits and it's fucking stunning. It makes no fucking sense and I love it. Like rats have protection against cold and water, do rabbits do that there?? Holy shit.

[And just as soon as the goof starts, he abruptly ends it, shifting back to something at least parallel to the topic at hand.]

Good job learnin' how to be a cat dad though. Have you like, never taken care of anything, is that what's up here? Open your blackened scorned heart to love again in the form of this fuzzy little bastard?

[He gives Taako a light shove, then crosses his arms.]

Oh, shut up.

[It's not said in a derisive, at least. Trash Bag follows eagerly after the hand, then stops when she realizes that the food has been laid down. She starts munching away, all the while still meowing. She's a real chatterbox of a cat.]

They're not, like, real Earth rabbits. They're huge--the fully-grown ones are probably eight feet tall or something, and can probably pummel you to pieces. Not a lotta people on Mars actually know that they exist, like they're cryptids or something.

[He used to run off into the sewers whenever things got bad. It was a place to escape. The best way to make a kid feel like they have a smidge of control in their life is to have a wild animal eat out of the palm of their hand.]

Eugh. No. We never had any space or money for any kind of pet. Ma would've probably freaked about it, anyways.

[He snickers again at the further description, finally pulling his eyes away from Trash Bag full force yelling into her food.]

Sewer cryptid giant rabbits. That's just. God. I don't even think doing a chef kiss would convey this properly, so like, just think of one right there.

[He's prepped to keep going, but Juno puts himself a little more front and center, and it gives him pause. Space or money, huh? Things he can understand, for sure.

It's not really a step. Not really a reveal. Just a nudge into something he thinks Juno would get.]

Yeah, who needs another mouth to feed when it's bad enough keeping yourself upright, huh? Anything wanted to live with me n' Lup it needed to pay rent or bring it's own meals.

[Juno lets out a soft scoff-laugh, still watching Trash Bag eat. He's more comfortable talking about his past now as opposed to the last thirty years, where he was downright volatile if anyone so much as even brought up or mentioned Ben or his mom to him.

It's just...he doesn't really find it important to talk about until it's relevant.]

That's what my ma used to say to me. She had enough on her plate to worry about, and it would've probably made her mad. You didn't wanna be in the house when she was having another one of her fits.

[The kitten lifts her head from the food bowl and lets out another squeaky mew, apparently full. Juno turns to scratch her behind the ears.]

Done already? Jesus, you've gotta slow down. One day you're going to choke on your food, and then I'm gonna have to take you to the vet.

[Trash Bag doesn't seem to care. She judges the distance from the counter to the table, wiggling her butt before launching herself onto the it. She paws at the surface before turning to stare at Taako, blinking slowly.]

[He's a little more comfortable with that sort of thing, too. Their time before the IPRE is often left out of it, because all of that shit is largely unimportant anyway- a blur of people trying to abuse or steal from them that they managed to escape. Who cares, huh? But now there are people who might actually appreciate their exploits on the Starblaster, it feels almost weird not to talk about them. These people may not have been there, but the crew discussed it so freely it's almost difficult to remember they're once again strangers in a foreign land.]

Y'know, maybe you get her one of those, uh... they've got like sticks in the bowl, it makes the pet take longer to eat. Work for it a little.

[He pauses for a moment, debates if he should ask, and decides to see what Juno's willing to give.]

So you grew up with a mom?

Might be worth looking into. [Juno twists his mouth to the side, still looking at his cat.] You're stealing all my funds, you know. All the cash gets funneled directly into your stupid tiny mouth.

[Trash Bag ignores him, preferring instead to simply loaf on the counter. Juno lets out a soft snort, shaking his head. It's easier to address Taako's questions about his family when he's staring at his cat, instead.]

Yeah. Just one parent.

[And Ben. But he's not going to get into that right now. He rubs the back of his neck. He exhales sharply. God, what can be said about Sarah Steel that won't leave him utterly vulnerable and air out all his dirty laundry?]

Let's--Let's just say she was a piece of work. Left home at eighteen to join the HCPD and never looked back, and here I am now.

[Yeah. That's probably good enough. Juno shifts slightly, crossing his arms and still not looking at Taako.]

You?

[Oh, that he understands. Look somewhere else, trick your brain into thinking you're somewhere safe. Wouldn't be the first time. He also certainly won't disparage people cursing shitty parents, considering his own situation.

Which of course, Juno turns back on him. He snorts, giving a little wave of his hand.]

Eeh, they sucked. Lup n' I ran away when we were kids, left 'em a hundred worlds away.

[And speaking of "that's probably good enough", this. It's not all a lie, but it's not all the truth either.]

Probably dead by now, soooo... good.

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god idk 6/1 or something

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WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, JUNO STEEL. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 010.21.140.15 * juno has joined 010.21.140.15 <juno> this is juno steel. leave a message if you want to talk. <juno> for business inquiries, please schedule an appointment to meet at my office in downtown bavan. <juno>** don't contact me if it's not important.