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Can you cut stuff or are you gonna take off a finger too? Because if I can't order you around this is gonna be waaaaay less fun and you're already down an eye, my man. Not gonna be responsible for taking those hands like this.
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I'm not that bad at cooking. Worst thing that ever happened when I was cooking was when I once tried to pick up a pan while it was still hot and then dropped it on the ground.
[Hopefully, he won't end up jinxing himself over that. He strolls over to the kitchen cabinet and pulls out a shabby-looking apron.]
Let's get started, then.