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[junosteel]

WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, JUNO STEEL. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 010.21.140.15 *** juno has joined 010.21.140.15 <juno> this is juno steel. leave a message if you want to talk. <juno> for business inquiries, please schedule an appointment to meet at my office in downtown bavan. <juno> don't contact me if it's not important.

Comments

[blap_blap]

i'm sorry have you met me

[junosteel]

fair enough

are you going to keep bothering me about this until i give trash bag a birthday party

[blap_blap]

i dunno are you gonna be a terrible person and not throw a birthday party for your sweet cat

like, just the worst cat dad ever

1/2

[junosteel]

excuse you if anything im a cat mom

2/2

[junosteel]

[There's a long pause.]

okay. i have a confession to make

ive never hosted a party in my life

[blap_blap]

for real?

wow

okay

i mean that's kinda sad but hey it's fine we can fix that now

and it doesn't have to be a super big thing! i can bring jay over too, trash bag got along with him pretty well

[Mostly because Jay doesn't give a single fuck about anything so he isn't bothered by even a hyperactive kitten.]

[junosteel]

wow thanks i feel a lot better about all this

[is he being sarcastic? yes. but it's hard to convey that through text, ok]

but yeah its not like i enjoy having loud hoardes of people in my apartment

i guess i could just send out some invites and tell them to bring booze or something

[blap_blap]

and i know that there are places that make pet-safe like cookies and cupcakes and stuff, so we can totally get her a little birthday cake too

i mean when you get down to it, a cat birthday party is really just an excuse to get a bunch of friends over for drinks and have them bring new toys for your cat

your cat gets entertained and you get to hang out and drink, it's win-win

[junosteel]

huh. thats cute

i don't know

would people want to come to a cat birthday party??? i feel like they'd think i was just trying to get them to come hang out with me

[blap_blap]

okay juno

i'm not sure if i'm the first person to tell you this

but you're allowed to just call up friends and ask them to hang out

that's what friends do

you don't even have to use your cat's birthday as an excuse

[junosteel]

yeah but then its weird its a lot less awkward if you just show up at their place on business

ugh. now i gotta go make invitations and stuff

and clean the house




should i get a birthday hat for trash bag

[blap_blap]

juno i don't think that's less weird at all

i

do you

should i come over and help? do you need help??

[trick question juno clearly needs help]

[junosteel]

do NOT come over to my apartment if you do i am kicking you out

[But, really, what can a scrawny wereraccoon do against a beefy 'taur like Tim?]

[blap_blap]

i'm good at cleaning! i like to clean! really, i can help!!


also i don't know where you live

[junosteel]

well you're not getting the address from me, buddy

so tough luck

[he can ask, like, majima.]

[blap_blap]

does goro know

[junosteel]

why don't you ask him and find out?

[blap_blap]

ok see you soon

[GUESS WHO'S COMING OVER, JUNO]

[junosteel]

[Juno actually doesn't see Tim's last message. He's too busy trying to clean up his apartment to realize that Tim might've replied to his sassy comment. Tim doesn't even need to be buzzed in, because the landlady will just let in anyone if they claim to be a friend of Juno's.

Of course, when Tim (presumably) knocks on the door to Juno's apartment, Juno stops dead in his tracks, his tail swishing back and forth in irritation. In his hand, he holds a trash bag filled with empty whiskey bottles he forgot to throw out for months.]

No one's here. Go away.

[Trash Bag, meanwhile, runs towards the door and starts pawing at it. She wants to see her friend!]

[blap_blap]

[There's no escape, Juno. Tim's here. And he's bearing gifts of cleaning supplies and those cute little jingly balls for Trash Bag.]

I'm coming in, Juno!

[And if he hadn't had the foresight to lock his door before Tim arrived, he'll be doing just that-- opening the damn door and revealing whatever state Juno's apartment is in to the world. Or, anyway, to him.]

[junosteel]

[Upon Tim barging into the apartment, Trash Bag takes the opportunity to immediately wrap herself around his legs, meowing as loud as she can. Juno drops the (actual) trash bag, the bottles clattering onto the ground before he hastily scoops it up again.]

I told you not to come in! [A beat.] And close the goddamn door before Trash Bag sneaks out.

[Juno's apartment is...not in shambles, thankfully. But it's still ridiculously messy. He tried to clean it a few months ago, but got sidetracked because of his dumb cat who decided to knock over all his papers. Most of it is just dirty dishes he forgot to put away, paperwork, unopened letters...stuff like that. And bottles scattered around. There's not much in terms of decoration, if you ignore the mess.]

[blap_blap]

[Tim coos at Trash Bag as she bunts against his shins, shouldering the door shut behind him. This is happening, Juno. This is the real life, this isn't just fantasy.]

Well, if you didn't want me to come in, you should've locked the door.

[He sets down his bucket full of cleaning things and scoops Trash Bag up so that he can pet her properly, and if she likes to be tall, there's an expanse of beefy shoulders for her to lay across. Even a big chonk of a cat like Jay can spread out across the sheer breadth of him, he was the perfect cat carrier.]

[He looks around. It's messy, sure, and a bit sparse in terms of, like, personal touches, but that's all right. It's a pretty straight-forward job, then-- just clear up all the junk and make sure everything's clean.]

Okay, this isn't that bad. I've totally seen dorms worse than this.